Turning Points

“It’s up to you!” he yelled in her ear.  The noise of the plane and the wind gushing into the open door made it hard to hear—and jump.  “You don’t have to jump!  Either way, you have to make a choice,” he said glancing at the pilot, “and fast!”  She stood staring down at the ground through the wispy clouds.  Jump?  Really?  I can’t possibly do this. I just can’t, she thought as she turned away and sat her shaky body down in the nearest seat.  But why not?  You’ve come too far to back down now, she thought to herself. 

Moving quickly, she shot up from the seat and gave her instructor the thumbs up.  It was now or never.  Once out of the safety of the plane, wind fighting against her, and the ground hurdling toward her she smiled and yelled at the top of her lungs “Too late to turn back now!”

Ever been in an icky place?  Not sure which way to turn?  Stop or go?  Give up or push through?  I was there and I didn’t like it one bit. For the past month and some change I have been doing the Insanity workout (yes, I bit the infomercial bullet).  At first it was new and exciting—hard as hell, but still new and exciting.  After 4 grueling weeks of jumping, running, butt kicking, and sweating I was confident that the second 4 weeks would be much of the same.  Ummm…yea—not so much.

I popped the DVD in, strapped on my HRM (heart rate monitor for those who don’t know), took a sip of water and by 30 minutes in I was leaning on the wall ready to walk out on it all.  My legs felt like noodles, my arms were soaking wet with sweat, my core was done for the day, and my heart had had enough.  I looked to my left and saw the video with all of the little people jumping, running, butt kicking and sweating.  I looked to my right and saw the stairs which would lead me to freedom.  I could hear Shaun T saying “You can do this. Dig deeper people,” but I could hear my stairs saying “This shit is for the birds. Why are you even doing all of this anyway?  For what?  A pound lost?”  I shook my head in agreement with the stairs…they had a point.  I turned my back to the tv and took a step toward “freedom”, but in the midst of it all something happened.  My quitter switch flipped.  I turned away from the stairs and went back to the workout.  I finished that workout with a new energy (the next day I cried in the middle of the next one because my body was completely wasted but that's a story for another day). 

Sometimes it takes being pushed to your limit to realize it’s too late to turn back.  At this point in my journey, it is entirely too late for me to go back to what I was.  I can run, I can jump, I can play, and I can shop in a regular store!  I can walk up the stairs w/o dying, I can almost cross my legs comfortably, and I can be present.  It is definitely too late for me to turn back now…thank God it is because I like this version of myself a helluva lot better.

The Runner